Phoenix Trip: Part 2

(If you haven’t read Part 1 yet, this will make a whole lot more sense if you start THERE.)

Leaving my family for five days and flying several hundred miles across the country for a girls’ trip was definitely an expensive, once-in-a-lifetime (or at least every 20 years?) luxury experience for me. But the kids (and the hubster) survived without me, and my time away was worth every penny. There were several moments during the trip when I felt guilty for being gone or guilty for spending money on myself, but there’s something about taking a break that is super good for the soul. Just stepping out of the routine, changing my scenery, and carving out time to sit and think or talk and laugh - it was exactly what I didn’t even know I needed.

One afternoon while in Arizona, my teacher friends returned to our rooms from their day of conference meetings toting cat masks.

Random, I know.

Apparently they used these masks for an activity at one of their sessions and were then allowed to keep them (math teachers are their own breed, people).

We immediately put the masks on and facetimed my kids. Unfortunately, the kids didn’t answer, so we left them a video message (which, in retrospect, was a horrible idea. Why in the world would I give my kids permanent evidence of my craziness to share with others for the rest of their lives?!? I clearly didn’t think that one through.). And then we continued to wear the cat masks around during the week, just for fun. I have no idea why these cat masks tickled us, but they did. They provided LOTS of laughter.

I later told Jacin that I laughed more during that five-day Arizona trip than I had laughed over the last 12 months combined. And that makes me sad.

Maybe this is just me, but… when I’m at home, I am the “keeper” of allllll the things: the food that needs to be bought and put away and cooked, the house that needs cleaned, the laundry that needs washing, the schedule that needs following, the sibling squabbling that needs refereeing… the list goes on. As the home and family “keeper,” my mind is constantly working, thinking, planning. I’m thinking how to best handle the right-now, the tomorrow, and the next week, all at one time. I’m striving to keep everyone alive, dressed, and decent. The mental load is substantial, and I get laser focused on getting everything done. I become the “box checker,” and my sense of self-worth stems from what I’ve accomplished. And while juggling and doing all this, I don’t smile or laugh a whole lot.

I feel like I’m not alone in this. I’m thinking lots of other women feel this way, too. And I don’t think you or I should settle for this status quo.

Reflecting on this trip made me wonder if my life is too busy, or maybe too full.. of the wrong things. It makes me think of a quote I read in a Lysa Terkeurst book years ago:
“Jesus doesn’t participate in the rat race. He’s into the slower rhythms of life, like abiding, delighting, and dwelling—all words that require us to trust Him with our place and our pace.” 

I like completing tasks and checking off boxes and feeling productive, but more than anything, I want to be like Jesus.

I don’t want to be hurried or harried.

I don’t want to be anxious or impatient.

I want to have enough time to stop, and breathe, and notice the little things.

I want to have enough energy to be silly and smile.

I want to be present enough to be grateful and content with where I am and what I have, instead of constantly striving toward the next thing.

Even during a busy or stressful day, I still want to be able to smile (like, genuinely smile, not fake smile).

There’s no certain prescription for what to change or eliminate, but I’m thinking big adjustments probably start with small steps. Since I’ve returned from Scottsdale, we’ve had several family game nights. (Uno gets super intense over here.) We’ve gone to the park for walks and tried out pickle ball (my new favorite sport since I’ve discovered the indoor courts). We’ve carved out a few device-less hours each day where the phones are put away. It’s nothing earth shattering or life changing, but we’re finding that these small steps carve out small but meaningful gaps between the normal activities and create breaks in the middle of our daily grind. Our pace is slowing and our peace is growing. And along with that, I’m smiling a lot more. 

But I can’t stick my head in the sand. I know what’s coming… when school starts up, things will quickly become busier and more complicated, whether I like it or not. The challenge is going to be maintaining the slower, more restful, more peaceful pace in my mind and heart even when the real-life pace speeds up. And I know that life in general isn’t easy, and some days will be harder than others, but if you and I can’t enjoy the life we’re living (and smile and laugh on the daily), then… what’s the point?